Consent
We do not view consent as a rigid yes or no. Rather, we view consent as an evolving, living, and active practice. We have some baseline rules for consent at our events and beyond those rules, we have 3 guiding frameworks for consent. We expect our attendees to be familiar with the principles of consent in these frameworks and to apply them appropriately. When reviewing whether consent was obtained in a scene or from attendees at our events, we will first apply our baseline rules, then we will consider consent from the perspective of our guiding frameworks.
Quick Links on this page
Baseline rules for consent at our events
Outside of scenes, these rules apply:
Touching people or belongings requires affirmative, verbal consent
If someone asks you to stop engaging with them, this is a revocation of consent to engage with that person. Please leave them alone.
For scenes, these rules apply:
Negotiation is mandatory. Negotiation can happen any time before the scene including before the party.
A scene negotiation must include: an aftercare plan, a specific discussion of what will happen during the scene, an explicit statement of safewords and what they mean, and a general discussion of which consent frameworks are being applied
Redefining the meaning of “Red” or “Safeword” is not allowed. Please stick to our formal definitions (see our Event Code of Conduct or Basic Consent Guide). Any other safewords and meanings may be negotiated by the parties involved.
Intoxicated or unconscious (partial or fully) people cannot consent. If a scene continues with a person who is intoxicated or appears to be losing consciousness, we may intervene and possibly consider this to be a violation of consent.
Re-negotiating or “up-negotiating” in the middle of a scene is not allowed.
Guiding Frameworks for Consent
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
We believe that all kink carries risk. In general, attendees at our events should evaluate risk before engaging in scenes or activities. Part of evaluating risk includes personal education on the risks involved with certain kinks. Attendees should also spend time to consider their own “risk profiles” before engaging in activities.
PRICK - Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink
We believe that doing kink requires some level of personal accountability and responsibility. We believe that everyone participating in kink has an equal responsibility to educate themselves about the kinks and community that they are engaging with. In general, we expect our attendees to have some level of knowledge about the kinks they are engaging with and to be honest with other attendees about what knowledge they may or may not have before starting a scene.
FRIES
We believe that the safest model for consent involves these basic principles:
F: Consent is freely given and not coerced or “fake”
R: Consent is revocable at any time by any party
I: Consent involves all parties being informed of the risks and/or skills required to do an activity
E: Consent is enthusiastic. We recognize that enthusiastic consent may appear differently to different partners and people. As an org, we cannot be the de facto judge of what enthusiastic consent looks like. Only the parties involved can know if consent is enthusiastic.
S: Consent is specific. We believe that it is the personal responsibility of all parties involved to ask the right questions about what they are consenting to and to drill down specifics when they are needed.
Consent Accidents
A “Consent Accident” is a boundary crossing that was the result of a legitimate miscommunication, misunderstanding, or mistake. We recognize that intent matters and that while consent accidents may result in harm, they do not belong in the same category as incidents where harm was intended to be caused or incidents involving gross negligence. We will treat any reports of consent accidents holistically and in context.
In the case of a consent accident, we expect the involved parties to intentionally care for each other and work to improve themselves. We believe that all parties involved are equally responsible for helping to move forward after a consent accident.
For the doer of harm, responsible actions can include:
Acknowledging (clearly and explicitly) the harm that was done and the behavior that was a mistake
Making a sincere apology to the person(s) that were harmed
Asking how the behavior or mistake can be avoided in the future. Our staff are happy to assist in suggesting ways to improve
Developing a specific plan for correcting the behavior or mistake in the future
Intentionally seeking education and resources around the behavior
For the receiver of harm, responsible actions can include:
Reflecting on the accident and compiling constructive feedback for the doer of harm
Graciously accepting an apology / acknowledgement from the doer of harm
Making a plan for self care and intentionally seeking resources and help with processing the accident. Our staff are happy to suggest resources for this.
Reflecting on the accident and spending time to re-evaluate one’s risk profile, limits with play, or negotiation strategies
These things are not considered consent accidents:
Gross negligence
Failure to negotiate with sufficient specificity or grossly out of line with our consent frameworks and guidelines
Playing while being intoxicated
Consent Incidents
We take consent very seriously. If we receive a report, complaint, or observe that consent has not been respected at our events or elsewhere, we may decide to move forward with one or more actions described below. We will accept consent reports about any incident regardless of whether it happened at our events or not - this includes non-Wicked Jester events in public dungeons or private parties, incidents in a private residence, and private incidents between partners.
To report a consent incident, please use our form here: https://jesterpresents.com/incident-report
Please note that we will never disclose the identity of anyone who submits a report except in rare circumstances (as required by law via a subpoena or specific requests from law enforcement).
Disclosures and FAQ for incident reporters
If you are considering reporting a consent incident to us, please carefully consider the following:
Will my report be confidential? The raw data of your report (the exact text you submit to us) will be extremely confidential and stored in an encrypted location with very limited access. Only a select few of Wicked Jester’s staff have access to raw report data. Raw data will never be shared outside your initial report.
Will my report be shared? An anonymized summary of your incident report may get shared amongst a committee of Wicked Jester staffers should we need to make an evaluation or decision about your report. In such a summary, names and all identifying details will be redacted for all reporters and receivers of harm. We may replace names with Jane/Jae/John Doe and remove any identifying details (such as physical appearance, descriptions of clothing, contact information, and potentially some details of the scene if they would cause a person to be identified).
How will I know what happens after I submit a report? We will always communicate any decisions about your report to you if you select this as your preference on your report. In some cases, we may consult you (with your consent) about these decisions before we make them. As an example, if we decide to ban another attendee as a result of your report, we will notify you of such.
We will always try to take your wishes into account when handling your report. We do not guarantee that we will handle your report in exactly the way that you want. Please consider this carefully when giving a report to us. In general, the actions we may take in response to a report are defined below and on our community accountability page.
In some cases, we may not be able to respect the wishes of an incident reporter or of a receiver of harm. As a concrete example, consider this case:
Person A harms person B
Person A has a demonstrated egregious pattern of harmful behavior
Person B reports Person A to us and indicates that they do not wish for Person A to be removed from our events
If we determine that Person A has an egregious pattern of harmful behavior and is a potential threat to our community, we unfortunately may opt to remove Person A from our events, despite Person B (who suffered harm) not wishing for us to do so
Upon receiving a consent incident report we will evaluate the impact of the incident holistically and decide on an appropriate course of action.
Minor Incident
Minor incidents are single occurrence behaviors that can be corrected with slight adjustment or with a warning. Examples of minor incidents include:
Touching people or belongings without consent (outside of a scene)
Unintentional micro-aggressions
Taking out a phone during an event
Accidentally walking through a scene or through aftercare space
In case of a minor incident, we are likely to choose one of these courses of action:
Issue a warning to the involved parties and ask for the behavior to be corrected
Follow up with the involved parties for more information
Moderate Incident
Moderate incidents are recurring patterns of behavior or incidents that cannot easily be corrected with a slight adjustment or a warning. Examples of moderate incidents include:
Purposefully or blatantly interrupting a scene or aftercare
Repeated behaviors or a pattern of behavior that falls under the “Minor Incident” category
Blatantly disregarding the psychological safety of other attendees. This includes any “Isms” (please see our Event Code of Conduct)
Stalking or harassing other attendees. Continuing to engage with other attendees after they have asked you to disengage
Repeatedly pressuring other attendees to play. Shaming or making fun of attendees around the use of safewords (regardless of whether you are involved with them in a scene capacity or not)
Being obviously intoxicated at an event (not including play)
Consent accidents
In case of a moderate incident, we may choose (but are not limited to) one of these courses of action:
Immediately stopping any play
Ask the involved parties to completely disengage with each other for the rest of the evening
Ban any involved parties from play for the rest of the evening
Follow up with any involved parties or witnesses to collect more information
Follow up with any involved parties after the event to collect more information or discuss further actions
Request involved parties to make a plan for restoration for the harmed parties
Request involved parties to make a plan for education and correction around the harmful behavior
Asking the involved parties to leave the event
Major Incident
Major incidents are recurring patterns of behavior with severe consequences or any single incident that causes significant harm to one or more parties. Major incidents are not easily corrected behavior and may result in more severe consequences for the involved parties. Examples of major incidents include:
Continuing play beyond the use of “hard stop” safewords such as “Red” or “Safeword”
Non-negotiated groping or sexual touch outside a scene
Failing to negotiate before a scene
Lying about or failing to disclose your known STI status
Sexual assault, rape
Threatening any kind of violence including physical, psychological
Verbally assaulting another attendee
Extreme intoxication
Taking a photo of attendees at an event
Making an audio or video recording of attendees at an event
Doxxing another community member
Actions we make take in response to a major incident:
Immediately stopping any play
Asking the involved parties to leave the event
Implementing a temporary or permanent ban from all future events
Follow up with any involved parties or witnesses to collect more information
Follow up with any involved parties after the event to collect more information or discuss further actions
Request involved parties to make a plan for restoration for the harmed parties
Request involved parties to make a plan for education and correction around the harmful behavior
We may recommend restorative frameworks and resources to involved parties for their personal self growth and accountability
In the case of a temporary or permanent ban, we may request the involved parties to demonstrate personal growth before being allowed back at our events. Evaluation of growth will be at the sole discretion of Wicked Jester and the burden of proof will be on the involved parties to show that they have taken appropriate steps to learn from their mistakes and correct their behavior. The burden of paying for therapy, education, and resources is entirely on the involved parties. We may require that involved parties create a consent accountability pod of vetted kinksters before being welcome back at events.
For the receivers of harm, we may opt (at our discretion and depending on financial ability) to provide some monetary contribution towards reparatory counseling or education (like therapy or workshops on consent).
Community Accountability and Ban Lists
We maintain two private lists of individuals that have demonstrated repeated and egregious behavior in the community. We maintain these lists in order to better protect the safety of our organization and the attendees at our events. These lists are not available to the public and we will not respond to general requests about these lists.
If you are concerned about a specific individual and want to know if they may be on one of our lists, we will accept specific and narrow requests about specific individuals. Please see our policy on Community Consent and Accountability.
Acknowledgements
We want to thank these organizations for their hard work in the community creating their own policies and guides which have served as reference materials in the writing of this guide and policy:
Society of Janus (San Francisco)
AfterDark Events (San Francisco)
Bonobo Network (California)
Per Bonobo Network attribution guidelines, we are including this statement from the Bonobo Network founders:
Our framework is inspired by the work of William Winters (william@bonobonetwork.com) & Misha Bonaventura (misha@bonobonetwork.com) of Bonobo Network, you can find their open source Consent & Accountability Policy here: https://bit.ly/bonobonetworkconsentpolicy
William and Misha are available for consultation regarding these topics. Please contact us for support in policy creation, peer-to-peer counseling, diversity and inclusion strategy, and consent culture cultivation.